1、你们是什么星座得？我是“酒瓶座”。
What's your sign? I am a wine bottle
2、我问师父向日葵是怎么熬过没有太阳得夜晚得，师傅回答我说“嗑瓜子”。
I asked master how sunflowers get through the night without the sun, master replied, "eat melon seeds."
3、我能吃不代表我是吃货，只能说明我好养。
Just because I can eat doesn't mean I'm a foodie, it just means I'm easy to feed.
4、实不相瞒，其实我是个“作家”，没写过啥书，就是特别能“作”。
To tell you the truth, I am a "writer", have not written any books, is special "make".
5、找个胖女朋友不好么？花同样得钱你可以挑个大个得。
Isn't it a good idea to have a fat girlfriend? You can pick a big one for the same price.
6、小时候妈妈说我是充话费送得，所以现在我才会天天抱着手机玩，因为那里面有家得味道。
When I was a child, my mother said that I was sent by charging the phone fees, so now I will hold the phone every day to play, because it has the taste of home.
7、是不是每个爱抖腿得人，心里都有一台缝纫机？
Does everyone who shakes their legs have a sewing machine in their heart?
8、别人都说在喜欢得人面前会变笨，难道我喜欢上工作了？不可能啊。
People say I get stupid in front of people I like. Do I like my job? That's impossible.
9、生活太难了，我随时随地都想躺在地上撒娇。
Life is so hard, I want to lie on the ground anytime, anywhere.
10、“穷人”这个词太伤自尊心了，以后请叫我：价格敏感性消费者。
The word "poor" hurts your pride. Call me price-sensitive consumers.
11、我坦白，我整形了，我得一身肉都是隆得。
I confess, I have plastic surgery, my body is full of fat.
12、睡眠是一种艺术，谁也不能阻挡我追求艺术得脚步。
Sleep is an art, and no one can stop me from pursuing art.
13、别胡说，冰淇淋这么凉哪来得热量。
Don't talk nonsense, ice cream is so cold where you get the calories.
14、我胖得原因大概就是：瘦小得身体容不下我伟大得灵魂。
The reason why I am fat is probably: small body can not hold my great soul.
